When Hillary Clinton won the Democratic majority vote in the New Hampshire Primary this past Tuesday evening, I was floored, knock-me-over-with-a-feathered, stunned, speechless–for a second. Then a realization dawned…

Have you ever looked down and noticed that you were bleeding? Just a little nick on a knuckle, an elbow, or in the summer, your ankle or knee? I find this disconcerting and am probably not alone in wondering, in the moment, if I may be developing some neurological condition of numbness that will progress to the point where I will one day lose a limb without noticing. Years of this repeated occurence has eased that fear, thank the goddess. Then I wonder how long I’ve been bleeding and what did I do to cause the injury. Sometimes I can backtrack to its cause, sometimes not. And finally, I am simply glad that I did notice and feel somewhat successful in having patched myself up.

Well, when Hillary won on Tuesday night, in my aftershock, I felt as if I had just noticed that I had been bleeding all my life. Not a major gush that would have required emergency treatment, but having its effect nonetheless. I’d been bleeding confidence, bleeding a basic belief that “I can”, that “we can”, for the simple reason that ‘we haven’t”–yet. We (I learned from my radical feminist profs back at my posh women’s college in 1980 to say “women, we” not “women, they” — is there any decent feminist instruction out there anymore??!!) have not earned equally, we have not been able to rightfully raise children without having a partner, we have not created strong networks–bonding in that ‘homo’ way that men do, we have not had the vote for 100 years, we have not gone beyond body-image judgements and seeking exterior approval, we have not succeeded equally in every field which interests us or chosen to create fields that do–yet.

We women are bleeding more than once a month. We’re all hurting, individually, from what we have not done, collectively–yet. This is oppression–living with unconscious beliefs that ‘we can’t’ because, on a certain level, I think humans need to see in order to believe. We need examples, we need role models. The closest we can get, without concrete instances of success is that most frustrating conversation–it’s gone on for forever, it feels like. The ‘well, we probably could if we got the chance’ argument about what women ‘could do’–we’ve all had that one. Wouldn’t it be great to move on!!??

Perhaps we have begun. Is it just me or are you noticing, too, that women everywhere seem a bit more happy, more confident, since Hillary’s win? I know I am. Every morning since Tuesday night, I have awakened to the reality that now, ‘we actually did! I feel closer to claiming full rights to what, in psychology, is called ‘healthy narcissism’–being able to see and like our abilities, accomplishments, talents, skills and the ‘all-about-me’ that is great! Oppression keeps the oppressed from that right to healthy narcissism by not allowing us to see images of ourselves in happy full lives.

I will LOVE seeing someone ‘like me’ as our next president. My healthy narcissism is “all over it”. How many years of oppression have we had? 1000’s of years, at least. With very few exceptions (Elisabeth I, Indira Ghandi, Benazir Bhutto, Margaret Thatcher– and now Nancy Pelosi, only two degrees away from U.S. President) we have been subject to those ‘not like us’ governing, creating policy, running our families and our lives. Until Tuesday, I had not realized how debilitating that was.

In that sacrosanct ultimate personal space called the voting booth, women seem to be realizing that they can push whatever button they wanted to, despite what their husbands, bosses and anyone else critical of Hillary or women might think. I am VERY interested in seeing this continue.

My healthy narcissism has been bleeding away for 40+ years. This week’s infusion has been amazing.

I’m feelin’ all Hillary, all the time, now. Are ya feelin’ it too?

~ best ~

ms. spincycle